Girls Just Wanna...

Visit the gynecologist.


It’s time for your annual exam. Da da da DUM.

Nothing’s more traumatic for a woman. It can knock even the strongest of us off our stiletto Jimmy Choo's and send us into fits of hyperventilation. There is no equivalent, and can only be understood if you’ve experienced it. It never reaches the point of being comfortable, no matter how many times you’ve done it.

Maybe it’s because you’re only covered by pieces of paper.

Or the torture device you must lay on that hoists your legs in the air. Yeah.

Or the tacky pictures they tape to the ceiling to help you relax. As if.

Or the things they say.

"Do you mind if these (eight) trainees come in and observe?" What the...

"Nice socks!" Thanks...?

 “Open your knees.” Ugh...

"You're not really a blond, are you." Can I just run half naked from the room with embarrassment, now?

And then there’s the speculum: "You’re going to feel a little pressure." It feels more like you’re trying to push a train in there.

 "Relax, you're going to break the speculum." I’d like to break your head.

 “Hmmm. I’ve never seen that before.” Did you really just say that, doc?

"Would you like to see your cervix?" Uh...NO thank you.  

When it’s finally over, I can barely find the internal fortitude to pull up my big girl panties and pretend to be an adult.

Well, at least I won’t have to come back for another year. Thank God.


Have any experiences to share? Anything your doctor said that you didn't really need to hear? I'd love to see your comments!